When bread is served to you, what is the appropriate way to adorn your bread with butter?

When bread is served to you, take the piece of bread to your butter plate (to the left of your dinner plate) and let it rest a moment versus straight to your mouth. Then, break or tear a piece at a time with your fingers. Never cut your bread with a knife! Always tear one piece at a time, and then butter each piece one at a time as well! Also, it’s important to remember to never butter an entire piece of bread!

The butter knife can be placed on the butter plate at the 10-2 o'clock position, with the blade pointed towards the diner.

In England, the butter knife is placed in the 12-6 o'clock position, with the blade facing to the left, away from the dinner plate.

See these examples brought to life in the photo above. The monogram in the photo are those of my dear mummy.

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

Forbidden Faux Pas

No-No: To hold your butter knife and bread in a "helicopter hover" while breaking the bread or while buttering it!

What is done: Try to keep all flatware as close to the plate as possible, including the butter knife. Flatware should not be flying above the place setting, ever! Instead, discreetly break your bread, hold it just barely above the plate and butter it, and then return the butter knife onto the plate in the same position that it was placed when you sat down at the table.

Millennial Tip

Butter plates can be an amusing adornment on your table. For the fall, I have used glass "leaf-shaped" plates that add quite a festive look! In the spring, I love placing a small, edible violet on top of the butter pat! During Christmas, of course, two holly leaves are used to decorate the butter (but not the red berries, as they are poisonous!), and in the summer, a few basil or mint leaves. I also have some "butterfly-shaped" individual butter molds which I prepare in advance for dinner parties. If you ever see fox-head butter molds for sale, do let me know!

Where do you seat your guest, or guests of honor, at a dinner table?

You are cordially invited to enter the secret, unwritten world of manners and etiquette. Every Monday, you will receive my newsletter which will pose a question about different forms of etiquette to you. I will share a concise explanation as to what's done and also, what is not done... the forbidden faux pas to avoid! You will be privy to the subtle nuances practiced in polite society, yes, even in this relaxed world. My intention is to enlighten you, or simply refresh what you already know. Stunning manners can open magical, even regal doors. I am most grateful to my Mummy, and my British father, who instilled in me the importance of knowing and displaying a polished code of manners. I truly look forward to sharing them with you! 
 

Entertaining Etiquette
Where do you seat your guest, or guests of honor, at a dinner table?

The guests of honor should be seated to the right of the host or hosts. So, for example, a gentleman guest of honor will be to my right at a dinner table, and the lady guest of honor will be to my husband's right. Typically, the hosts are seated at either end of the table along with their guests of honor. But what happens if the table is exceptionally long for a celebratory event?  

When I hosted a luncheon in celebration of the visit of Lady Carnarvon of Highclere Castle (Downton Abbey) in the month of May, I decided to seat my 48 attending lady guests at an exceptionally long table. It actually extended the length of my verandah at Fox Hall! (photograph above) Because the table was so long, I decided to place my guest of honor in the very center of the table, to my right, with our backs against the brick wall. Lady Carnarvon had a view of the garden (always think about the view of your guest of honor, even if you are in a restaurant) and she was also able to glance down both sides of the table equally to see the guests. When I made my toast to her, and to the guests, by having Lady Carnarvon in the middle of the table, I could easily address everyone. They could hear me just by turning right or left, versus raising my voice to be heard down the entire table from the other end! I had a grand time at this luncheon celebration, the weather behaved brilliantly, and it continues to be a glorious memory for me.

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

Forbidden Faux Pas

It is considered a faux pas to be seated when offering a toast while in a private residence. 

What is done: It is polite form to stand when giving a toast! If you are in a restaurant, it is not necessary to stand unless you are in a private room. If champagne or wine is served, you may hold a glass in your right hand while offering the toast and raise it in honor of your guests. If only water is served, there is no need to raise a glass. Either way, wine or water, offer genuine words to welcome your guests and let them know how grateful you are for their presence. 

Millennial Tip

Make the effort to offer a toast at a dinner party — either a party that you host or one that you are attending. By proposing a toast to your hostess, or to the guest of honor, or whomever, it is a genteel effort that your hosts and guest will appreciate immensely, especially if it is short and sincere. Mummy would be proud!

When attending a formal or semi-formal dinner, where do you place your evening bag?

Here are a few petite evening bags. They are on top of an elegant placemat, one of a set, that was just given to me for Christmas from a precious friend, Maria Helena, a diplomat from Brazil. Oh, and the pink ribbon clutch? I designed and sold these as my first business when I was just married... always have loved pink!

---

When attending a formal or semi-formal dinner, where do you place your evening bag? Several ladies have asked me this question, so here is my two-part answer!

Typically, Mummy advised me that the rule of thumb for an evening bag is to place it on your lap, with the napkin placed over it, or behind the small of your back against the chair, but never hanging from the chair! All other handbags may be placed on the floor next to you.

 Now, here is my exception to this rule: If you are attending a public event such as a fundraiser, museum, or even a restaurant dinner and you have a delicate “Judith Leiber” type evening bag (examples in the photograph), then it has become acceptable to place it on the table, above the place setting, so that it is not in the way of the server. These little evening bags can be quite pretty and sparkly, adding to a festive table. I usually take the cue from the hostess of the event before I place mine on the table. 

For private dinner parties, evening bags, or any type of handbag, should never be placed on a dining table.

Upon entering someone’s home for a dinner party, I place my evening bag, or any size bag for that matter, on an entry hall chair or table, where it stays put for the evening, unless I go to the powder room and take it with me. The hostess has gone to great lengths to decorate her dining room table, and it does not include an evening bag, no matter how pretty it is! As a hostess, I offer a place for a lady to rest her evening bag or larger handbag.
 

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

Millennial Tip

When attending any event, carry your purse with your left hand, like HRH The Queen does, so that you can easily shake hands with your right hand.
 

When dining in an elegant restaurant, quite often a small stool or bench is placed next to the ladies seated to set their evening bags or handbags upon. Oh, I adore when this happens!

Forbidden Faux Pas

No-no: To place a clutch under your arm, instead of in your hands.
 

A clutch is meant to be carried with your hand, or with both hands in front of you, with your fingers pointing downward, as does HRH The Duchess of Cambridge.

---

Etiquette at a seated performance: Ballet, Opera, Theatre

Attending any performance at the Opera Garnier, an architectural jewel in Paris, never ceases to delight and thrill! The colorful ceiling, a fresco commissioned to and designed by Marc Chagall in 1964, is a clever juxtaposition to the formal architecture of this renowned opera house.

---

It is getting cold outside, which makes it a splendid time to attend a performance at a ballet, opera, theatre, or even the cinema! As such, here are a few things to consider.

While it is not necessarily required to dress up, it shows respect to the performers… And, why not? It is always fun to have an excuse to dress up! Wearing a coat and tie or a cocktail dress is considered internationally appropriate unless Black Tie is specified. 

Being punctual is paramount! If you are tardy, be prepared to be asked to wait until the usher deems an appropriate time to seat you, for instance, at the end of an act or the interval. Once my husband and I were set to attend the Opera Bastille but were delayed in Parisian traffic. When we arrived, we were required to wait inside next to the closed doors of the performance for twenty minutes. Be polite and do your best to arrive early. Should you arrive late, be patient as you wait. 

When entering or leaving your appointed row, it is highly debated between etiquette experts as to which way one should face. While Americans tend to face the stage, Europeans tend to face the back of the theatre. I prefer to face the stage, with my back to those seated. If you are seated, it is always considered polite to stand, especially if the rows are narrow and tight.

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

Forbidden Faux Pas

No-no: To leave your cell phone on, or to check it!  

What is done: Turn your cell phones off. Even if they vibrate, it can be distracting for those near you. Abstain from checking your cell phone as the light on the screen is also distracting.   

No-no: To wear a hat during a performance.

What is done: If you wear a hat, be considerate and remove it, or check it with your overcoat before the performance.

---

A rather “unique” installation of two gold tractor tires by French artist Claude Lévêque was installed in the grand “gold foyer“ to celebrate the 350th anniversary of the Palais Garnier opera house for the year of 2019, and will be removed in January 2020!

---

2020 could be the best year yet! How?

---

Everyone claims to set goals for themselves for the New Year, but what is a tried and true method for doing so? 

Well, I know first-hand from Alexandra Terhalle. She is a University of Cambridge certified career and life coach, and just happens to be my eldest daughter!  Alexandra has clients around the globe via virtual consultation at www.AlexandraTerhalle.com. I am excited to share with you her “Recipe for Success,” which I have used to become crystal clear on my own goals for 2020. 

The Recipe for Success:

1. Be specific- know exactly what you would like to have, be, or do.

2. Assign a date to it.

3. Commit to it.

4. Focus on it daily.

Alexandra’s TOP TIP: 

Vague goals produce vague results! 

Instead, get specific. Make sure you set clearly defined goals.

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

---

You have the power to take your life from where you currently are to where you want to be.

Going into 2020, Alexandra encouraged me to set some exciting goals with specific deadlines to keep me extra accountable! I hope you, too, are inspired to do so as well.

 My wishes to YOU for a happy, sparkling 2020!

Feel free to reach out to Alexandra as well. She can coach and assist you with implementing and achieving your goals. Her Instagram also has inspiring quotes! 

Alexandra Terhalle
Career | Relocation | Life | Business Coach
www.AlexandraTerhalle.com
Instagram: AlexandraTerhalleCoaching

Good things come in small packages (other than jewelry)!

Joy to the world! My beloved, childhood angels!

---

Have you noticed how over-the-top Christmas decorations have become throughout the recent years? In contrast, I remember what Mummy shared with me “good things come in small packages,” along with, "it’s the little details which delight the heart.”

Diminutive decorations in your home can be absolutely charming to discover and behold! Petite vignettes, especially the ones with a significant meaning for the owner of the house, are also sweet. Ultimately, treasures with sentimental value are the best decoration. 

For example, in our living room at Fox Hall, there is a miniature circle of German wooden hand-carved angels that are worn and well loved. They are gathered around a little tree. My parents purchased these when we lived in Germany eons ago and allowed me to play with them.  Yes, some broke through the years, but those remaining have survived, acquired “love marks,” and are cherished. Their worn patina is authentic and enchanting, and continue to conjure up my beloved memories every year when I place them on our living room chest. No wonder these angels are well worn; they have been busy dancing around this tree for decades!

These precious angels are a stupendous gift to give and receive! I arrange them around a musical tree that was Mummy’s. When I wind up the tree, it gently turns and the angelic music  brings happy tears along with a flood of joyous Christmas memories from my childhood. 💗🎄
 

As piglet said in Winnie the Pooh, "Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart." This reminds me of another noteworthy aspect for giving a sentimental gift. There is nothing more splendid than a homemade gift. From a drawing, to a photograph, a poem, or a song played on an instrument, these are the gifts that touch my heart the most! 

From Fox Hall to you, I send my joyful wishes for a most meaningful and joyous Christmas with your loved ones.

---

To compliment the angel theme in our living room, I have arranged an entire orchestra playing their instruments proudly on the tea table in our front hall. Our German son-in-law’s family have given us this collection of angels through the years, and I am most grateful for them!

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

How to handle wine stains, spilt wax, and other party mishaps!

A butter knife used to scrape the chilled candle wax, along with a few prayers, was the magic remedy for this mishap!

---

Yes indeed, accidents happen in preparation for or during any party! For example, my favorite Brunschwig & Fils linen damask for our antique chair in the front hall at Fox Hall was recently covered in spilt wax! On top of that, the fabric has been discontinued. So, now what?

Mummy always said nothing ruins a party faster than a hostess who becomes uptight and stressed over an accident. Mentally prepare in advance for mishaps to occur and then stay calm and carry on. This takes practice, along with a bottle of seltzer water close at hand! 

The entertaining mishap stories I could share with you through the years could be yet another book! From the water pipe breaking over the Butler’s pantry causing the ceiling to fall through two days before Lady Carnarvon arrived for lunch, to a full glass of port wine spilling across the dining room tablecloth onto a guest, we have almost seen it all at Fox Hall. 

Most recently, melted green candle wax was accidentally poured onto my yellow antique chair, the day before a black tie Christmas party! 

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

---

My darling daughter, Caroline, shared with me how to rectify this wax calamity. First, I put the chair outside in the winter cold for a few hours to allow the wax to harden (you could place it near the air conditioner vent if you live in the south!). Then, I took a butter knife and scraped it off. Only a slight residue was left. I called Stanley Steemer who then cleaned off the remaining stains. Voila, like new, and just in time for the guests to arrive for the party! 

Red wine spills, of course, are also a common problem! I keep a bottle of seltzer water and some hand towels close at hand in preparation for this type of mishap. Of course, a guest will be mortified to have spilled wine, so to put them at ease I say something like, “The magic fairy comes in the morning-not to worry!” Smile, pour some seltzer water quickly over the stain, and then just leave it alone. That’s key! 

Once your guests depart, you can attack the stain. The less you do to clean it up, the more your guests will feel comfortable and continue to have a merry time. Try your best to keep that “sick, pit in your tummy” to yourself!

If you find white rings from the condensation of a cocktail glass on the table, I share mummy’s secret recipe to remove them in my book.

Enjoy your guests and forget about the mess... there is always tomorrow to rectify it!


On a different note for the newsletter, we are so pleased to welcome Lemondaisy as our newest sponsor.  I invite you to look at her website… you too will be delighted with her simply darling designs and cocktail napkins!

---

I am so grateful to have my chair back to its lovely self again!

---

"Five golden rings?" How to repurpose your napkin rings!

While visiting my daughter, Alexandra, in England, I plucked some pretty pink heather from her garden and placed it inside my granddaughter’s napkin ring to adorn her pink Herend Chinese Bouquet platter for an impromptu cocktail party.

---

Over the years of entertaining at Fox Hall, I have discovered that napkin rings can easily be repurposed as a decorative feature to adorn an hors d’oeuvres platter by simply placing greens or flowers within the ring!

Napkin rings were created in France in the 19th century, before spreading to other western countries, to hold linen napkins for a household. With a ring, napkins were identified for individual family members or houseguests and could be used more than once between washing. More decorative napkin rings made of porcelain, wood, and other materials became popular in America, especially in the 20th century, and is a tradition that continues today.
 

Mummy only used silver napkin rings for family or houseguests... although never for a dinner party. She adhered to the old-school rule that using a napkin ring for a dinner guest would indicate that the napkin would be reused! I guess those words have stayed with me, as I only use my old-school silver napkin rings for family members or houseguests. I have added to my collection pewter napkin rings (no polishing required!) for each grandchild, with their name engraved. Another benefit of having them is that the grandchildren enjoy placing their names where they wish to be seated at the table as a pseudo-place card!

Millennial Tip

Quite often, silver napkin rings are considered an appropriate and thoughtful Christening present. Having them engraved to mark the baby's name and the occasion is a lovely tradition, and is practical, as the parents can use them too! 

---

This Coalport horse and rider napkin ring was a gift to me many years ago. He jumps over boxwood and faux berries onto my Christmas platters every year!

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

Do you know how to repurpose your place cards?

A few of our friends are allergic to shrimp, so it is imperative that I label my “shrimp and dilly dip,” especially because the shrimp is disguised inside the dip!

---

"Party time is 'pretty' time!"
-Holly Holden

With so many allergies prevalent these days, I believe it is thoughtful and prudent to repurpose place cards in a place card holder to indicate what is being served.

Cards and their holders are normally used to indicate where a guest is to be seated at dinner. I also use them to describe what is being served on a cocktail or a buffet table.

By naming what an item is on a place card positioned next to a respective platter, tray or chafing dish, it becomes an easy visual for your guests to see what something is! I do not write the list of ingredients, but simply label it as a "lobster dip" or "curry ball with pecans."

For other items on the table such as a smoked salmon, Smithfield Ham, or chilled shrimp, I think they are rather self-explanatory, so I do not feel the need to have a card describe them.

Before any event, I always explain to my serving staff the ingredients and the name of what they will be passing around. This way, they are informed and can answer any questions such as if there are nuts or dairy in case a guest inquires.

As a host or hostess, the onus is on you to make your guests feel at ease, and little details like this go a long way in showing that you care about them.

---

A Christmas tradition at every Fox Hall holiday party (since eternity!) is my coconut curry cream cheese ball! The family simply refers to it as “The Ball," although in this photograph it is in the shape of a log. And I am sorry to say that even though I’ve been asked a thousand times, I have never given this recipe out. That way, you must come to my house to try it!

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

Do you know these "pretty party" secrets?

Happy Thanksgiving to all! My sincere gratitude to you for your support and subscribership. It is most comforting to know others are embracing the little nuances that contribute to a more gracious and gentle world!
Photo credit: Deb Key Imagery

---

"Party time is 'pretty' time!"
-Holly Holden

With the upcoming holidays ahead, I have been asked to share a few more of my pretty party secrets!

Having a platter filled with glasses of champagne to serve your guests as they enter the house sets the scene for any party. It also alleviates the line at the bar, for those that wish to drink something other than champagne.

Consider repurposing a surface near the front door to have an additional platter of glasses pre-poured with wine. I open up a demilune (half-moon) table, which is normally against a wall under a window, to its fully open position for a larger surface in the front hall at Fox Hall. 

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

Placing a linen napkin under the glasses keeps them from sliding around on a silver platter.

---

My high boy by the front door also has a hidden “slide” which is a pull-out writing surface. Stuart will pull it out for our larger gatherings to place pre-poured glasses of wine. 

My daughter in England has a chest on chest desk with a pull-out drawer which transforms into a leather topped writing surface. She pulls it out and either uses it to serve cordials after dinner, or she places a champagne bucket and bottle on it along with glasses for parties. 

NOTE: A platter placed underneath is a must to contain the condensation from the iced champagne or from errant drops of wine!

Also, consider using a punch bowl or a large silver revere bowl to hold chilled bottles of wine sitting in ice, and decorate it by wrapping a big silk ribbon around the base!

---

---

Forbidden Faux Pas

No-no: To have opened bottles of wine with the cork placed back into the bottle halfway!

For a stunning serving platter, do you know the secret touch?

When Lady Carnarvon came to visit me at Fox Hall for a luncheon in her honour, I placed this precious little Highclere Castle ornament on the silver serving platter! Now, how simple yet befitting is that?!
PC: Deb Key Imagery

---

"Party time is 'pretty' time!"
-Holly Holden

Mummy set an example for me by always decorating her party hors d’oeuvres platters with something pretty, unique and original. Instead of just a few flowers or greens to garnish her serving platters, she encouraged me to use something out of the ordinary. Whatever decoration that I decide to use, I keep in mind that it must not only complement the culinary creation being served, but also the decorative colors or aspects of the room where it is presented, the theme of the party... and that it should pay homage to the guest of honour!

On my travels, I make it a point to collect an array of precious little decorative items that I can easily place on a platter. For example, I use my Herend mouse from Scully and Scully in NYC to sit in the middle of a cheese platter… his own little fromage paradise! For Thanksgiving, I have a pair of porcelain pheasants nestled onto an hors d’oeuvres platter, which I purchased at an antique shop in Nantucket. Several other examples are pictured in my book. For the Christmas holidays, I have German Wendt-Kuhn wooden angels singing to various yummy offerings, including my cheese crispies. 

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

Millennial Tip

I use a small ball, the size of a dime, of poster board clay and place it on the bottom of my adornments to hold them more securely when passing the serving platter around. 

Look around your house! You may find petite items that will work well as embellishments for your platter. The key is small and discreet, and not so large that it overwhelms the overall presentation and aesthetic of the food being served. 

Here are a few examples of this practice that may inspire you: a porcelain Limoges box, Christmas ornaments for a holiday party, a silver baby’s cup filled with flowers, a small Staffordshire porcelain animal, or an egg cup with one blossom placed in it! Have fun and go hunting around your house. You may surprise yourself with how many tiny objects you discover.

Do you know THE secret, perfect PARTY PUNCH?

My darling daughter-in-law, Karen, convinced me to share (mind you, reluctantly) my secret Holden punch recipe on my YouTube Channel. She was expecting our little grandson, Stuart IV, and held her glass in great anticipation of enjoying it in the near future after his birth.

---

"Party time is 'pretty' time!"
-Holly Holden

Pretty party time is anytime! I am going to share my pretty yummy party secret. It's a “pinky swear-able” secret, and one that guests have begged me for years to share. I am going to cup my hands and whisper in your ear... “THE Holden Punch” recipe! A cocktail party is not replete at Fox Hall without a large silver revere bowl, at one end of our dining room table, filled with “THE Holden Punch!”

Of course, other libations are offered, along with a full bar. A reputation has been created through the years, however, so that The Holden Punch MUST make an appearance at our parties!

Offering a punch goes back to British sailors returning from the British East India company in the 17th century, who modified it from a local tradition in India. When these sailors began drinking punch at parties, the practice spread like wildfire and became an established British custom. Why not consider offering one at your next party?

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

Millennial Tip

Mummy taught me that traditional punch cups, while delicate and rather diminutive in size, are lovely for a sip or two for a daytime event, such as a Garden Club meeting. But, for a celebratory evening party, punch cups are not as “party-like” as a larger old-fashioned cocktail glass, or my personal favorite option: a crystal brandy snifter (I adore re-purposing!). By pouring a more “festive” amount of punch into a crystal brandy snifter, your guests know it’s “party time!” The sparkle of the crystal, filled with my pink punch, makes it even more enticing to drink. Cheers!

Party time! Cheers to linen cocktail napkins!

Collecting a medley of pretty cocktail napkins through the years has given me a delightful selection to choose from for every type of party!

---

"Party time is 'pretty' time!"
-Holly Holden

The little details you use when entertaining are the elements that make your guests feel honored and comfortable. 

In light of this, with Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the holidays approaching, raise the bar by offering your guests pretty little linen cocktail napkins! Nothing says ‘welcome’ more than greeting your guests at the door with a glass of bubbly along with an elegantly designed cocktail napkin. Voila, the scene is set and the party commences! 

Mummy used to say that paper napkins are for picnics and linen napkins are for lovely guests. Linen napkins can be personalized with embroidered monograms or whatever is meaningful to you, whether the name of your house, family crest, horses, endearment names, your personal quote, or anything else. There are such clever selections of cocktail napkins available that one could potentially collect a pretty set for every possible occasion, and why not?! 

Two additional benefits of using linen cocktail napkins are that you will be going green by reusing them and, if you buy in bulk, they tend to cost approximately the same as nice paper ones. On my YouTube channel and in my book The Pretty and Proper Living Room, I also share some more examples of this practice, since it is one of my signature details when I entertain guests at Fox Hall.

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

Millennial Tip

Consider ordering some custom embroidered linen cocktail napkins as a gift to a hostess, for a bridal shower, birthdays, holidays, or 'just because.' I like to think that a bespoke gift is one that is always cherished. Custom linen cocktail napkins are a blank palette to get creative for any occasion!

As for me, The Lori Jayne Store in Palm Beach is my go-to for cocktail napkins. The store has a precious array of designs, along with the capability to embroider whatever you wish to create!

Hello! Shall we discuss mobile phone manners?

What a privilege it was to speak and be feted so graciously by my dear friend and Madame President, Hunter Gundlach, of the Tuckahoe Woman’s Club. Nary a mobile phone in sight!

---

Oh, how glorious it is to be connected to anyone, at just about any time, from a mobile phone.  It is paramount, however, to use it while not imposing on others.

Just recently, I had the honor of giving a talk at the prestigious Tuckahoe Woman's Club in Richmond, Virginia. They entertained me royally with their gracious, southern hospitality. It was a privilege to speak to an audience of 600 ladies who dressed in pink in my honor! Several lovely members were my appointed hostesses. They chauffeured me, hosted a dinner at the Commonwealth Club (crab cakes to die for!) and introduced me to the members at their club. Not once did I see any of these ladies take out their mobile phones, other than to take a photograph... truly!  

How refreshing it was to see all of these ladies living in the moment. And, granted, we were at two private clubs where mobile phones are not permitted, but even so, no one even took a quick peek while speaking with me outside or in the car. These are busy, successful women! As my husband will attest, I need to work on this myself! So, I was inspired to write about mobile phone etiquette. 

Do not be tempted to chat on your mobile phone in a restaurant, church, theatre, private party, business function, or indoors in general! As much as you think you are speaking softly, you will almost always underestimate how loudly you are speaking since the phone is cupped to your ear.

When dining, try not to place your phone on the table, unless you have a reason that you must be available such as for children, medical reasons, or other significant situations. If your phone vibrates in your pocket or handbag, then you can excuse yourself and step outside to a place you will not be within earshot of others. 

When in a public area, try not to talk in anything other than a whispered voice. Nothing is worse than overhearing the conversation of someone on the phone next to you on a train, plane, or even around a hotel pool!

This is applicable when you are in the company of someone, and especially if you are driving a car, or are a passenger: be courteous and ask if the other person does not mind if you make a call, or check your messages. It is disconcerting for a driver to see the passenger totally engaged in their cell phone email messages, without acknowledging them with, “Please excuse me for a moment. I need to check my emails quickly, would you mind?” Otherwise, the driver, passenger or person feels ignored, slighted, and sometimes very insulted. 

When leaving a message, it is always thoughtful to leave your name and phone number on an answering machine. This is especially courteous for a new acquaintance, so that they will not have to look up your number.

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

Forbidden Faux Pas

No-no: To assume someone can chat when you call.  

What is done: It is always thoughtful to ask if it is an appropriate time for them, or inquire, "Can you talk now?" By asking, it allows the other person to let you know if they are busy or wish to call you back at another time.

No-no: To assume that someone can have a personal chat at work.   

What is done: Keep your conversation to the point.  

No-no: To hang up without a proper goodbye.

What is done: It may take a moment to excuse yourself, whether you are late for an appointment, a child, or anywhere else, but just hanging up abruptly is off-putting to anyone.  

No-no: To ring people in different time zones and not be aware of their time. 
 

No-no: To make a personal phone call before 8:30 am, or after 9:00 pm, or during meal times. Time consideration may be different for family members, who you know are liable to be up and ready to chat!

No-no: To use your phone at any time while in an interview or in a classroom. 

Are there other mobile phone nuances that you find bothersome and need to be addressed? Please let me know, and perhaps I will compose Part II on this topic. Oh, it was lovely chatting with you…. good-bye! Tah Tah!  

When addressing an envelope, how do you indicate a couple is not married?

You can assume that this letter is addressed to an unmarried couple, as there is not an “and” in-between their names.

---

There are umpteen etiquette rules on how to appropriately address various titles on envelopes, especially for wedding invitations. If you are simply addressing correspondence or informal invitations, below are some courtesies for you to consider.  
 

Unmarried Couples:
When addressing an envelope to an unmarried couple who lives together, the secret cue they are not married is to write their names independently on two lines and without the word “and,” as in the example below. 
 

For example:

Ms. Holly K. Eason

Mr. R. Stuart Holden
 

If you’re sending invitation to a couple living together as roommates, but not romantically involved, they should each receive their own invitation!

For Married Couples:

For a married couple, their names are joined together with “and,” and can be addressed on the same line. 

For example:

Mr. and Mrs. R. Stuart Holden

If the married couple has different last names, they can still appear on the same line.  

 

When writing the names on two separate lines, their names are still joined with the word "and," in between.

For example:

Ms. Holly K. Eason

and

Mr. R. Stuart Holden

For both unmarried and married couples, the person with the highest rank is always listed first. For same-sex couples, the names may be listed alphabetically.

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

Are you a polite, thoughtful traveler?

Taking luggage, along with the massive black cases for the camera equipment, to film at Highclere Castle (Downton Abbey) for my public television series, was quite an endeavor! I chose to wear my riding boots on the plane. Lady Carnarvon and I rode together in the episode. I did not want to take the chance of them being lost in my luggage... anyone who rides can understand how cherished their “broken-in riding boots” are!

---

Whether you travel around the world or domestically, being a polite traveler is tantamount to being a thoughtful houseguest... the kind people appreciate and want to invite back to visit! Once you leave your local “kingdom,” you enter into new territory where customs, food, accents or language can vary. Yet, kindness and respect for others will always be your finest asset, anywhere!

Assisting someone with their suitcase, whether picking it up off the baggage carousel or offering to help someone struggling to place a heavy carry-on in an overhead bin, is often appreciated. On my last flight to Ireland, an elderly gentleman offered to help me, but prefaced his offer by saying, “I hope you will not be insulted if I offer to help… but I would be happy to assist you if you would like me to!” It was brilliant manners on his part. By prefacing with respect for my independence as a woman, he was then also able to be chivalrous and useful, and his help was greatly appreciated!  

If you are entering a shop or a business in another country, ask them, preferably in their native language, if they speak English. Just presuming that they speak English is often considered arrogant.

On that note, while there is no need to take an intensive course, everybody appreciates hearing a few particular words in their own language. Learning words and phrases like “thank you,” “please,” “pardon,” or “my apologies,” convey genuine interest in the culture you’re visiting and go a long way in setting yourself apart as a visitor.
 

Take off your sunglasses when meeting someone.  This is applicable anytime, anywhere! It is pretentious to think that the other person does not need to see your eyes, including Customs Officers! 

Have some form of crafts, books, or toys to entertain your children. Little ones are not always interested or amused with the telly available on a plane.  

Dress appropriately when you travel... Well, that is a whole other newsletter!

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

There was a massive amount of camera equipment, and we were so grateful to park our Fox Hall Productions van in front of Blenheim Palace by the Private Apartment’s front door! VIP!

---

Forbidden Faux Pas

No-no: Not to study how people greet each other in the cultures you’re visiting. While in Europe and America the handshake is largely the go-to gesture, it can very broadly in other cultures. In Japan, for example, direct eye contact and a smile can be considered confrontational. In some middle eastern countries, tradition suggests that men simply raise their right hand to their heart when greeting a woman, rather than making physical contact.

What is done: Just as you would for a visiting houseguest, a little pre-work and studying of the culture you’re visiting will convey a more elegant demeanor and, overall, will enrich your traveling experience more!

When and where is it appropriate to take off your hat?

Tradition dictates pretty hats be worn at weddings in Europe! Our youngest daughter, Caroline, had this one designed by a milliner in New York City to complement the pink dress that she wore to her sister's wedding, which was held in the Berlin Dom, Germany. You can tell from her smile that it was a glorious day!

---

My darling grandson in England, a dapper dresser like his father, asked me if he should take his hat off when being introduced to someone... well, that certainly inspired me for the topic today!

Gentlemen: Yes, a hat should be removed out of respect when being introduced to someone and especially with or while in the presence of a lady! For other occasions, a hat should be removed when the national anthem is played, upon entering a church, a restaurant, a private home, a school, a theater or movie, in a place of business, or during business meetings. A loose rule of thumb for men is to remove your hat when indoors or in the presence of a lady.

A less formal, but still acceptable, gesture for gentlemen is to simply lift the hat off the head for a moment, nod, and place it back on. One may tip the hat by the brim too, just like the cowboys did in western movies.

For both men and women, any hat may be worn outside and in public places such as in elevators, airports, hotels, and public transportation.

Ladies: Oh, lucky you! Your pretty dress hats do not need to be removed when indoors, when the national anthem is played, or any of the above rules for men because your hat is deemed as a fashion accessory for your outfit! The exception is if a lady is wearing an informal hat which is worn for warmth in the winter and should be taken off while indoors.

After five in the evening, or once the sun sets, a lady does not wear a brimmed hat. The reasoning behind this is that a brim is not needed after sunset.

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

Millennial Tip

Which side are ornaments such as bows, pins, feathers, or flowers placed on a hat? 
 

Women are always RIGHT! Right?! Yes, bows, pins, and other ornamentation are traditionally placed on the right side of a woman's hat. Although, these days, milliners are quite creative and embellish all aspects of a hat. 
 

For gentlemen, the ornamentation goes on the left side of the hat.

Ladies should be sure to respectfully check with hosts when invited to attend a wedding, funeral, or christening in Europe as well as other countries to see if they recommend that a hat be worn. It is customary for ladies to wear elegant hats to these functions, which I think is simply splendid, as it adds to the celebratory elegance and time honored tradition of these events.

Frankly, baseball caps tend to be the prominent hat of choice these days for both men and women, especially in the United States. Baseball caps are considered a man's hat, or a unisex hat, so the same rules would apply to women as to men, meaning hats off during the National Anthem and the other formal occasions mentioned previously. 

All hats may be left on at all times for both men and women if it is for medical reasons. No questions asked.

Forbidden Faux Pas

No-no: When removing a hat as a courtesy while being introduced, to have the lining face the other person.
 

What is done: The lining, once the hat is removed, is held toward you, not the other person.

What does "No Gifts" on an invitation mean to you?

When "No Gifts" is indicated on an invitation, you most certainly do not need to bring a gift. I just cannot resist not bringing a little something, though!

---

Mummy shared with me that if a friend dropped off some home-baked cookies or a vase of flowers from their garden, that I was to return the empty container to them cleaner than when I received it... along with a little something inside as a gift back to them. For example, I've sent back a few homemade cookies, a jar of yummy jam, some chocolates, a couple of sprigs of rosemary from the garden to fill a vase, or simply a slice of birthday cake. It is the thought that counts. If it is homemade, even better!

The reason why I shared the "return-practice" above is that it is also how I deal with an invitation that states "No Gifts."  I, personally, cannot go to a party empty-handed! Giving a gift gives me so much joy! Perhaps it’s the Southerner in me, but no gifts feels just like returning a plate without a little something inside. 

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

I believe that when "No Gifts" is on an invitation, the hosts want to make their guests feel at ease and not obligated to bring a gift, which is genuinely thoughtful. I believe it is just as thoughtful, however, to humbly and politely exceed expectations as a guest.

It does not have to be much. Depending on the celebratory occasion I’ve brought bottles of champagne, flowering plants, cut flowers from my garden, my homemade spiced pecans, or museum notecards from an overseas trip, all of which have been well-received, even when there is "No Gifts" indicated on the invitation. If it happens to be a more substantial celebration, then I may give a more significant gift, such as a silver frame engraved with the date or their initials.

Forbidden Faux Pas

To make a big show of bringing a gift when "No Gifts" is specified on the invitation.

If you choose to ignore the “No Gifts” indication and bring a gift, then it is imperative that you are exceptionally discreet about doing so. The key is to be subtle when arriving with a gift in your hand. Place your gift quietly off to the side somewhere without bringing any attention to your gesture. You do not want to make others feel uncomfortable that they did not bring a gift. Better yet, have it mailed directly to the house before or after the party!

Part II: What polite vocabulary do you know?

Mummy shared with me that "drapes" are what are used on a coffin. "Curtains" are what hang in a window! These curtains have a stunning bespoke and Chinese Chippendale inspired pelmet.

---

Let's carry on with a few more vocabulary words which you may also wish to know. There are words interpreted in certain circles as inferior, and knowing these distinctions can go a long way towards creating a lasting first impression.  

 

Incorrect: drape
Correct: curtain
Reasoning: Drapes go on a coffin, curtains are hung on a window.

Incorrect: invite

Correct: invitation

Reasoning: "Invitation" is the written-out form for inviting someone to a function. The word "invite" is the verb to ask someone to attend a function. 

Incorrect: cheap
Correct: inexpensive
Reasoning: My dear friend, Graham Smith, co-founder of "The Welcome Home Podcast", suggested two words which her grandmother would correct her on. "Cheap," her grandmother would say, implies quality, whereas "inexpensive" means cost. Graham was never allowed to call anything cheap other than to describe a fabric or something such as that!


Incorrect: throw a party
Correct: host a party
Reasoning: A host "hosts" a party and does not "throw" it!

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

Part II: How does one make an appropriate introduction?

When I first went to Blenheim Palace to meet Lady Henrietta Spencer-Churchill, the eldest daughter of the late 11th Duke of Marlborough, she very graciously asked me to call her Henrietta. We created a television episode together in the private apartments of the Palace. It was the first time these stunning rooms, where Henrietta spent much of her childhood, had been filmed.

---

The sweetest words to anyone's ears is their name!  The most aggravating words, on the other hand, is to hear their name mispronounced!  If you are being introduced to someone and are not quite sure you heard it correctly, kindly ask them to repeat their name. 

Quite often, people mistake my name as Molly. So, I say, "It's Holly, with an 'H,'" along with a big smile so that they are not embarrassed by their mistake.  My precious friend's name is Tita, and when I introduce her to friends she thoughtfully says, "It rhymes with Rita!" which is such a clever technique too!

Married couples are introduced individually. For example, I would be introduced as Holly Holden and my husband would be introduced as Stuart Holden, rather than "Holly and Stuart Holden." If the wife uses her maiden name, then it is considerate to state who her husband is, as in: "this is Peter's wife." This gesture is helpful for all parties to understand the association between a couple. 

Many people take offense if you do not introduce them along with their titles. ‘Lord’ and ‘Lady,’ for example, are used in place of ‘Mr.’ and ‘Mrs.’ It would be ‘Lord Foxhaven’ and ‘Lady Foxhaven,’ not ‘Mr. Foxhaven’ and ‘Mrs. Foxhaven.’ It is then up to Lord Foxhaven or Lady Foxhaven, if they wish, to say, "Please, call me by my first name."  

Do not assume that an adult wishes to be called by their first name when introduced to someone younger. Out of respect, many of our children's friends, now in their 30's and 40's, continue to call me Mrs. Holden, even though I have asked them "Please, do call me Holly!" Slowly, they are now coming around to it, and it's about time, as their titles (Judge, Doctor, Professor) are much more impressive than mine!

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---