Alexandra, our daughter, was married to Maximilian in the Berlin Cathedral (Berlin Dom), which is the largest Protestant Cathedral in Germany. The service was performed by our Farmington minister in English and the minister of the Dom in German. It was a magical day as we celebrated with family and guests from all over the world.
It’s “wedding season,” and after the Covid hiatus, there are joyful wedding receptions galore! A recent bride spoke to me about a wedding guest, and how she wished a few of her younger guests knew the no-no’s to know! So, here we go! Pass it on….
No-no: To arrive at the church at the stated time on the invitation for the ceremony.
What is done: Plan to arrive up to 20 minutes before the appointed time on the invitation, or earlier if you know the church will be overflowing with guests. Stand up when the bride enters the aisle of the church.
No-no: To wear sunglasses for the ceremony, and also at the reception.
What is done: Sunglasses are removed before entering the church. Even if the reception is outside, try to refrain from wearing sunglasses, because when the wedding couple fondly look back at the photographs of their wedding day, they want to see the faces of their guests, not sunglassed-movie stars!
No-no: To have your cell phone on or chew gum.
What is done: Turn your cell phone OFF. If it is on vibrate, that can make noise too. And, leave the gum in the car!
No-no: For guests to wear white dresses.
What is done: As popular as it is to wear white these days, remember, it is the bride’s day to shine and stand out in the crowd of guests. And, when in doubt about the dress code for the wedding, reach out to the bride, groom, or the bride’s mother to confirm what is expected. It is also considerate to ask what color the bridesmaids are wearing so that you can try not to duplicate that color either.
No-no: To say “congratulations” to the bride.
What is done: The word “congratulations” to a bride, historically, implies that the bride won the groom, when in fact, the groom should be congratulated for having the bride accept his proposal. And, yes, this is an old-school rule tradition, but I thought it worthy of your attention. “Congratulations” are in order for the groom, and “best wishes” to the bride and to the newlywed couple.
Our daughter Caroline, and her new husband Edward, merrily departed their reception at Marble House in Newport, Rhode Island, with guests cheering them on!
While it may be tempting to photograph the ceremony, leave that up to the hired, professional photographer. Your respectful attention is what is revered and expected in the church. If you wish to photograph outside of the church or at the reception, be thoughtful about it. Tempted to post your photographs on social media? It is considerate to ask the bride for her permission first before sharing your images, as she has invited you as a guest, not as a paparazzi!
My family shared a cherished and sentimental moment that was captured by our photographer in the Dom after our eldest child was married.
Exhibiting respect as an invited guest is a gesture that will be treasured by the bride and groom on their wedding day. Weddings are such a joyful, celebratory time for the newlyweds and their guests. We can all use a dose of love and joy!
XX,
Holly