Pressed and starched napkins are a must. I often use this fold because it is elegant, yet simple to execute!
Napkins can be a secret signal in more ways than one! How you fold, place and use them has a language all its own, especially at a private dinner party.
The Duchess Fold, as displayed above at Woburn Abbey, is often used in grand homes, palaces, and castles throughout England, and is quite regal. It does require practice and a bit of finesse to fold it correctly… and it definitely requires a large, starched, dinner-size napkin!
While seated, wait for the hostess to remove her napkin first. Follow her lead and then, place yours on your lap, unfolding it below the table (no shaking it with a flourish!). The fold faces you. (If you are at a table of friends, without the presence of a hostess, or in a restaurant, then place the napkin on your lap right away.)
When there is a napkin ring, remove it by pulling it toward you. Then, place it to the left of your place setting. (Traditionally, a napkin ring is used for family, houseguests, or for informal dinners.)
If you must excuse yourself, place your napkin on your chair (if it is an upholstered seat, be sure to have the soiled side facing up). By doing so, you are discreetly not calling more attention that you have left the table. The other option, which I do not condone, is leaving it on the table to the left of the dinner plate. Who wants to look at your napkin?!
At a private dinner party, wait for the hostess/host to determine when dinner is over. What does one appropriately do with their napkin, then? I will let you in on a little secret! Here is the old-school signal to your hostess that you know the proper way to leave your napkin after dinner: Fold your napkin similarly to how and where it was placed when you arrived at the table (unless it is a rather challenging fold, i.e., The Duchess Fold). The easy and proper method is to simply fold your napkin into a rectangle, and place it to the left, where the forks were originally placed. Most guests just plop their napkins to the left or in the middle of their place, without folding them. Truth be known, a seasoned hostess will know which guests know this old-school signal, and smile as they acknowledge their adeptness and polish when they view the empty table after the guests have departed!
At the Salvation Army’s Paradise Ball, their 100th centennial, I had a few napkin fold options presented to me to choose from as the Chair. I was tickled pink with this unique fold which was created with white, starched, dinner napkins. I was very grateful to the dedicated team of employees that sat together for hours folding 450 napkins the same afternoon as the Ball. This exclusive fold complemented the formality of a White-tie ball. Photo credit: Capehart Photography, Palm Beach
If you are at a restaurant, not a private house, it is appropriate to leave your napkin in a casual-loose semi-fold. Leaving a balled-up napkin pile on the table is not appropriate. And, remember, for both private parties and restaurant dining, slide your chair back under the table when leaving.
Forbidden Faux Pas
No-No: To place a fork ON TOP of a napkin. The only exception to this rule is if you are dining outside, with the possibility that wind would require you to weigh down the napkin, and a fork would help to keep it from blowing away.
No-No: Wiping your entire mouth with a napkin.
What is done: Lightly dab the corners of your mouth, using the inside of the napkin, so that any marks are not visible on the outside. Ladies, try your best not to get lipstick on the linen napkin as a courtesy to the hostess.
No-no: To place a napkin standing up inside a wine glass!
If you are at a restaurant, not a private house, it is appropriate to leave your napkin in a casual-loose semi-fold. Leaving a balled-up napkin pile on the table is not appropriate. And, remember, for both private parties and restaurant dining, slide your chair back under the table when leaving.
Forbidden Faux Pas
No-No: To place a fork ON TOP of a napkin. The only exception to this rule is if you are dining outside, with the possibility that wind would require you to weigh down the napkin, and a fork would help to keep it from blowing away.
No-No: Wiping your entire mouth with a napkin.
What is done: Lightly dab the corners of your mouth, using the inside of the napkin, so that any marks are not visible on the outside. Ladies, try your best not to get lipstick on the linen napkin as a courtesy to the hostess.
No-no: To place a napkin standing up inside a wine glass!
This simple but elegant napkin fold is often used at Buckingham Palace. To me, white napkins on a white tablecloth represent the epitome of timeless refinement.
A Millennial Tip
Napkins come in various sizes. To narrow it down, a luncheon size is smaller than a larger dinner size.
Older linens can be of exceptional size and quality. Splendid varieties of older linens are available at private sales and auctions.
Napkins with elegant monogramming or family crests embroidered on them are my favorite. White embroidery on a white napkin is the most formal. Creating a monogram or embroidery design to complement the dining room color or design on the porcelain, or theme for a party, is always such fun!
Xx
Holly
P.S. Please be a dear and forward this letter on to someone you think may enjoy it too!